Your 17-month-old's social and emotional development: Feeling negative

Feeling negative
You may be surprised by the force of your child's likes and dislikes. Even at 17 months, toddlers can be very clear — loud and clear — about what they do and don't want to do, to eat, to wear.

Some children surprise with another kind of force — hitting, especially when they're frustrated. The most likely target: you. It's counter-intuitive, but this is actually a sign of trust. A 17-month-old child knows that you're a safe person to show just how upset and frustrated he can get.

What you can do

You may also notice that your child occasionally but very deliberately disobeys your orders. You say, "Please stay away from that vase," and your toddler looks right at you, reaches out, and touches the vase, or plucks a flower from it. You know he got your message, so rather than let the defiance become a big deal, experts say to simply ignore it whenever possible. In fact, it's important to try to avoid a confrontation with every little issue.

Other developments: Comforting routines, growing trust of other people
The first time you forget to read your toddler a bedtime story, don't be surprised if he reminds you. Toddlers thrive on routine, and they may remember each step of a particular ritual. If your child's end-of-day routine features bathing, drying hair, brushing teeth, picking out books, and then reading together in bed, there's a good chance that if you try to skip one or more of these steps, your 17-month-old will protest.

Even at this young age, toddlers can be quite adamant about following rituals, some of which may make no sense to you. For instance, when you tuck your child into bed at night, he may insist that you cover his favorite doll or stuffed animal with a certain blanket — and only that blanket. Or he may want to drink his milk from one particular cup, or insist on oatmeal for breakfast every single day for a month. Though these demands may puzzle or even annoy you, they serve an important purpose: Routines help to make your child's world more predictable.

At 17 months, most children are becoming less wary of strangers. At the grocery store your child may say hello to every person you pass in the aisles — something he never did before. Or when you go to music or tumbling class, he will suddenly want to be near the instructor. Mom and Dad are still the most important people in his life, but he is starting to develop special relationships with other people, too. He may even associate extended family, caregivers, and neighbors with certain activities. When you visit his grandparents, for instance, your toddler may pull his "Papa" out into the garden to investigate the roses he showed him on his last visit.